I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
