ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize