mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
