I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
