put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
