Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
