Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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