i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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