i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
