don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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