i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
