I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
