I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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