My nipple is on Facebook.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize