yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
