She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
