im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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