dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
