Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
