Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
