dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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