I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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