If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
