how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
