this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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