I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
