I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
