p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
