hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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