i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
