When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
