Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
