Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
