The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
