I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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