i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
