i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
