So gin and wine won't be happening again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
