Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
