I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
