WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
