____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
