I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize