bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
