FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
