ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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