Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
True college students do jello shots in the library
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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