I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
