I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
