Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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