So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
