HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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