What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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