Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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