Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize