The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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