the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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