We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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