didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
