I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
