i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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