i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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