he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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