I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
