Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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