I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
