If i come over, it means nothing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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