he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
