Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
