I wanna passion pit in your ass
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
