i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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