My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
