I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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