i will never coherently bang her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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