Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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