soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
