our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
