bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize