if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
