i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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