He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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