I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
