So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize