My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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