His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
