ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
