i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
