I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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