You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
