i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize