i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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