Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
