they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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